Screw You Lysol... and Glade!

Well hello faithful blog readers and you first time readers! Its once again time to write my observations down so I may share them with you! The topic I want to discuss today is a very interesting one. There are many public restrooms in the world. (okay, I know what you are thinking, "restroom??", but trust me this is going to be good) There are many ways of keeping these public necessities smelling fresh and clean. Some of these include having an amazing ventilation system and a competent janitorial staff. However, there is one way that I both hate and admire at the same time. First let me tell you how I came to this observation. Today at work I felt that all too familiar urge to, "take care of business". I headed towards the restroom in the laundromat connected to my store. I entered the men's restroom and closed the door. (it is a one person restroom) Ladies and gentlemen I will spare you the details of the next few moments as I am sure you can fill in the blanks from your own experiences. As I was minding my business atop the porcelain throne of relief I was startled by a loud and horrifying noise! The janitorial staff decided it was best to install one of those stupid air fresheners that goes off at different intervals. These things drive me up the wall!!! I love them because they keep the toxic fumes masked and the restroom smelling decent, but I absolutely hate them because they scare the living "crap" out of me!! I am sitting there relaxing and the next thing I know I am on edge with adrenaline pumping through my body at the speed of light! (pshshshshttt!! - thats the noise they make... Use your imagination smart ace!!) :) The thing that really gets me is that quality companies like Lysol and Glade are producing home models!!! I DON'T feel safe in the world anymore people!! I am like a blood hound every time I enter a house or apartment!! I have to find the air freshener before the devil machine finds me! Seriously just think about this for a second. You are watching a great movie on your couch. The end is nearing and its just the way it should be... the guy gets the girl, the girl gets the guy, the frog turns into a prince and Garrett wins a billion dollars.. Okay maybe thats a little overboard, but honestly!! The entire movie would be ruined if you owned one of these "home models". Pshshshshttt!! RIGHT at the climax of the movie!! Now instead of feeling joy and happiness you are feeling fear and possibly a wet spot in your pants! You can place these machines absolutely anywhere! On a desk, behind a house plant, in the kitchen... Its like everywhere I go I am in danger of being mortified! To all those people who have the audacity to purchase one of these, "sounds of Satan" machines I say to you, "thanks for making my life a living nightmare!". Now I can't even use the restroom at work without staring at the machine awaiting its puff of fear and what I believe to be vanilla spice?? Does that even sound right?? lol oh well! People please join with me in the fight against these terror contraptions! If you own one.. please for the safety of my heart and the hearts of others throw it out the window, burn it, dice it into bite size pieces and bury it deep, DEEP in the earth! Lets all make our world a safer place... together. :) Screw you Lysol! ... and Glade!